When you are trying to quit alcohol, you can be thrown occasional challenges. You are tired, bored, overwhelmed, or just fed up with being good. You get to the “What the hell”, aka the F*ck It moment. If not addressed, this could lead to a drink, which more often than not, leads to more. And more

Oonagh Duncan is a Canadian author who addresses the “F*ck Its” in her book Healthy as F*ck. Although her book is about developing healthy habits by eating well and exercising, many of her ideas could work for those of us who hit a wall when learning to live alcohol free. With her permission, I have adjusted Oonagh’s ideas to parallel our journey to quit alcohol. As you can see from the title, Oonagh likes to use colourful language to make a point.

According to Duncan, it is a normal part of growing into a new habit. You can hit puberty as you move toward becoming a mature alcohol free being, and become “rebellious, defiant, petulant and – totally pissy” Progress towards your new goal is never linear. But when you hit the bumps in the road, you want to keep the trend moving upwards, and not bail totally. The goal is to “pull yourself out of the slump quickly and with minimal drama”.

Oonagh Duncan agrees with what Simon suggests: rather than beating yourself up, learn from the feeling. Think of it as research. Do you really want to throw in the towel? What are your why’s for wanting to stop drinking? Is it FAB? Faded Affect Bias – forgetting how crappy drinking made you feel? Are you over tired? Did something happen that triggered you emotionally? Is there temptation in the house?

Duncan has 8 steps to deal with the F*ck Its.

1. Exercise your right to choose. Why do you want to ditch alcohol? If you give in with a drink now, will that bring you closer to or further from your goal? Since you have never stopped with one drink, it is doubtful that one drink will satisfy you Decide on the result you want and accept the effort it will take in this moment to achieve your goal.
2. Do you have the Fs? In Duncan’s book, giving a F*ck = you care. So do you care enough to use and maintain the effort (willpower) required? While in the Be Sober course we try to find more lasting ways to affect change, occasionally willpower is required. This will only be for the next few minutes, but the ‘F*ck Its’ may come in waves over a few
3. Remember that it’s all about happiness. Being mad at yourself, or at the world, will not help. “Self-punishing thoughts lead to self-punishing behaviours”. It is time to put on your grown-up pants, pick up your frustrated baby self, comfort her and make her Once she is happy, she is much more likely to succeed. Go for a walk, meditate, call a funny friend or do whatever it takes to get out of the funk.
4. Review your keystone habits. Are you eating well, sleeping enough, exercising, meditating, and journaling? Are there any of Simon’s tactics you can use to deal with the triggers? Is there an elephant in your room? Do you need to make an appointment to deal with an issue later? Could you do some jumping jacks? Find a fun distraction, such as a puzzle or video game, or calling a
5. Is there any way you could make this habit easier? Can you take a different route so as not to pass your liquor store? Is your house empty of all alcoholic drinks? Do you have quality alternative drinks?
6. How could you recruit more social support? Can you reach out to the Be Sober group on Facebook? Do you need a buddy or a mentor to talk to?
7. What is the Bullshit you are using to get out of your habit? What is the justification you are telling yourself that is leading you to believe it is OK to drink? Is it true? “Rewind your mental tape to figure out what that clever brain of yours is coming up with to push you back to your comfort It’s trying to protect you, but you are going to have to become consciously aware of it in order to politely decline. Come up with a break up speech so that you don’t fall for this seductive Bullshit again.”
8. Half-Ass your habit. Are you overwhelmed? Are you being a perfectionist? Is there something you can let go of to take better care of yourself? Let the home be a mess now so that you can get to bed early to be a better version of yourself tomorrow. Look at the long-term plan. What is the one thing you could do right now that would enable you to succeed? Focus on what you are doing

Keep track of what works for you, so that you have a plan in place for when the F*ck Its’ come to visit. Then you can show them the door.

Adapted from Chapter 10 of Healthy as F*ck by Oonagh Duncan, published by Penguin Canada, 2019. Available at Amazon.