It can be difficult for me to write about the thoughts and feelings of people who are living with someone with an addiction, as my own personal experience has been with me having the addiction to alcohol. Over the past few years, I have done everything in my power to fully understand what my addiction meant for those people closest to me and how they felt and feel now with me in recovery. I can’t imagine how heart-breaking it can be for loved ones who are having to live with someone who has an addiction to alcohol or another substance which is out of control.

What I do know is that you will be wanting to help the person who has the addiction, but you will likely never have faced this situation before and knowing what to do or where to turn can feel like an absolute nightmare, where you are constantly walking on eggshells and not wanting to do something to make the situation worse. This is certainly where I can help and I wanted to put together my top 5 things to avoid doing when trying to help someone with an addiction and what you can do instead, which I hope assists you.

#1 Don’t ignore the problem

Look, I know how easy it can be to ignore a really difficult problem than it is to sometimes face up to the issue, especially when it comes to an addiction where the person with the drinking problem doesn’t want to face up to it themselves. It can be all too easy to let it go and try to hide it under the carpet, but this is a sure-fire way of the problem getting even worse in the medium to long term if it isn’t addressed now.

What to do

It’s going to be extremely hard but you need to first admit to yourself that the person you love has a problem with alcohol. This isn’t something that has happened over night and will have gradually progressed over time. Once you have accepted yourself that they have an addiction can you then start to look into ways of how to best help that person and provide them with support which will aid in their recovery.

#2 Don’t judge/look down on them

Having been addicted to alcohol myself and looking back at my past behaviour and emotions, I can say first-hand that living with someone with an addiction to alcohol is not fun at all. You will likely feel that you come second in the person’s priorities whose first and foremost concern is alcohol. Feelings of judgement and looking down on the person will only set to cause problems with your relationship with the person and will potentially trigger them to drink more to try and cope with the negative feelings they are getting from you.

What to do

Feelings of frustration, anger, upset, annoyance and being let down toward the person who has the addiction are completely normal and you likely have or will experience any or all of those emotions. However, please try to remember that an alcohol addiction is a disease and something that the person doesn’t want to have, but the alcohol has taken control of them for the moment. What they need (even if they don’t think they need it) is support to help them through the addiction and on to recovery.

#3 Don’t force the person to quit alcohol

Speaking from my own experience and listening to the stories from the 1000’s of people on my Facebook support community, one thing is clear. Someone who is addicted to alcohol has to want to quit drinking for themselves first. If you try to force someone to stop drinking by giving ultimatums or trying to shame them into quitting, then whilst this may work in the short terms, it is highly likely to fail in the longer term and the person will relapse back into drinking. They have to be the one that decides that alcohol is no longer for them and they want to stop drinking altogether for the best chance of success.

What to do

Support the person and help them self-discover the benefits of no longer drinking alcohol. Ask them open questions, if they are concerned about their level of drinking and be honest with them and explain that you are concerned and want to help them. If they are also worried that they are addicted to alcohol, becoming sober curious together is a fantastic way to let the person who is addicted really start to look into their own drinking habits themselves, whilst having you by their side for support throughout.

#4 Don’t enable the person to drink

Have you found yourself making excuses for your loved one who is addicted to alcohol or helping them out if they are short on money due to having spent theirs on drink? Or, have you found yourself lying for them or always bailing them out of trouble? I know you are doing this because you love them and it feels like you are supporting them when they are hurting, worried or stressed. However, what you are in fact doing is enabling them to continue with their addiction, as they know you will always be there to help.

What to do

It’s really difficult to not be an enabler for someone that you love, but unfortunately, sometimes some tough love is required because you love them. Next time you are having to help or excuse the behaviour of a loved one, take a step back and think why are you doing this? Make the person aware that you are there to support them, but you are not there to allow them to continue down the same path with their addiction.

#5 Don’t give up on them

Battling an addiction is hard, but it is not impossible to recover. Accept that relapses can happen and try to focus on the positives when there are positives to look at. Please do not give up on them as your support means more to them than you (or even they at this moment) realise.

What to do

Get the support for yourself that you need. I have a number of fantastic resources available which are packed full of free information about alcohol addiction and what can be done to aid recovery. Please do check out my YouTube channel, my free Facebook support community and my website. There are also a number of other resources available online with lots of information that can help you provide support for your loved one whilst also taking care of yourself.

I really do hope this blog helps you if you are living with or have someone in your family that has an addiction to alcohol. Knowing what to do to help them can feel frustrating at times, but just know that having you there and caring about them means so much to them, even if they do not show it all of the time.