One of the members of my Facebook support community submitted a post onto the group over the weekend which really resonated with me and I really felt for them as I know what they must have been going through and are likely going through now. They posted that they had been sober for 8 months, they were attending an event and had pre-planned exactly what to do/say when they were going to be offered alcohol from a friend, which they knew would happen. However, when it came to the event, their friend purchased the drinks and put them in front of this person who was unable to say no to the temptation. Why did the friend do this? There are some things we don’t know at the moment. It wasn’t clear from the post whether the friend knew that this person was actively alcohol-free or not. Regardless of this, I wanted to create this blog as I too had to take a long hard look at my social network once I had made the commitment to remove alcohol from my life to help give myself the best chance to change my life for the better.

What I would like you to explore is, if you have/had a drinking buddy that you could always rely on to be there when you wanted to have alcohol, or they would be persuading you to drink, are they really a friend or just a companion to the alcohol?

When I removed alcohol from my life, I had some people take it really well and were extremely supportive and have been a rock for me moving forward. Whilst I had others who didn’t take it seriously and further-more, tried to shame me back into drinking.

Why do some people love to encourage others to drink? I have looked into this over the past few years with my own personal experiences and I wanted to put together some of the key reasons why your old drinking buddy may be trying to get you to drink alcohol.

#1 They may not know

When I started out on my sobriety journey, I didn’t tell many people at the beginning. I was nervous and excited but also didn’t want to put added pressure on myself with having other people know about my actions to adopt an alcohol-free lifestyle. I can’t really blame my old drinking friends on trying to encourage me to drink like they had been used to for over 20 years. In fact, it used to be me encouraging other people to drink and this did change overnight.

If you are struggling with starting or maintaining your sobriety journey, then I would urge you to consider whether it is best to tell those friends that expect you to drink that this won’t be happening moving forward, to give them a chance to support you instead of trying to get you to drink at the next social event.

#2 Their own drinking insecurity

It can be a case where your previous drinking buddy, even though they know you are removing alcohol from your life, doesn’t want you to. They are concerned about their own level of drinking and having to face up to their own level of drinking behaviours which is something they don’t want to do. By getting you to keep drinking, keeps them in their safe space where they can remain in denial. They will be keen to get you to remain as their drinking buddy and this includes putting drinks in front of you for their own gain rather than thinking (or caring) about what you are trying to achieve for yourself.

#3 Alcohol was your friendship connection

It was amazing to me at how some friendships which had been formed because of alcohol were solely based around alcohol. Either consuming alcohol or talking about alcohol and we had never had a sober friendship-relationship. Once alcohol has been removed it can be difficult to keep these friendships going as alcohol was the thing that you had in common and kept you connected. This is not to say that the friendship can’t remain, but if that other person or group is trying to get you to continue to drink, then you will need to consider if you are strong enough at the moment to refuse their alcohol advances and whether it is worth the risk to where you are getting your life to now.

#4 They don’t appreciate the severity of your drinking

It always fascinates me, how, if you are a smoker and you are attempting to quit, then everyone will likely be supportive, even other people who are still smokers. Yet, you tell people you are going to quit alcohol and people struggle with the idea of it. Why? It could be that your friend does not realise the severity of your drinking addiction and so they feel that you don’t need to quit alcohol. It is of course not their choice as it is your life. However, these types of people are likely to still want you to drink with them as their drinking buddy and you will have to consider whether you can be around them at the moment.

What I am not saying in this blog is that you need to completely overhaul your friendship network to successfully remain sober. In fact, it will be your closest friends and family that are likely going to be providing you with the support to help you succeed with adopting an alcohol-free lifestyle. However, if there are people that you know will want to keep pushing you to drink alcohol, despite them knowing that you are no longer drinking to improve your life, then I would encourage you to keep your distance from them until you feel strong enough to be able to withstand the temptation to drink, where your willpower has you back in control.

Have you had to face a similar situation as the person who posted on my Facebook support community? If so, then I would love to hear from you in comments. How have you dealt with these situations with friends and are they still friends of yours now?