Living, Feeling, and Being Free from Alcohol
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By Adrienne Kaliszak
One of the things that may happen to you when you break free from alcohol addiction is having feelings and memories pop up of things you’ve long forgotten about.
Some of these memories may be good, others not so good.
I know that one reason I kept drinking for so long is I didn’t want to think about my life. I was running away from myself, numbing myself until I was emotionally lifeless and dead inside.
Once you stop your addiction, feelings and thoughts you haven’t had in so long will appear.
This isn’t a bad thing; this is a great thing. We are meant to be feeling and thinking beings with deep emotions and mindful thoughts.
It may seem overwhelming to you though.
Some tools you can use to deal with these thoughts and feelings include talking about them with a trusted friend, journaling, and meditation.
I am fortunate I have my husband, daughter, and a great group of supportive people in my life I am able to share my deepest thoughts with.
If you don’t have anyone, think about joining therapy so you can get these deep emotions and thoughts out.
Your thoughts and feelings need to be acknowledged otherwise they will keep returning until they are dealt with.
I find some thoughts come about more often than others and I cope by questioning how I feel about the thoughts, as well as writing about them and sharing with my husband.
Other ways I’ve learned to deal with tough emotions is through meditation. Every night at bedtime I literally tell Alexa to play meditation music. Calm, soothing, relaxing tunes fill the room, calms my mind, and slows my thoughts down.
If you’re not a fan of meditation tunes try another type of soothing music such as classical, jazz, R&B, or love songs.
I find music without the lyrics helps me relax and ease my mind quicker and at a deeper level than music with lyrics as they can be a little distracting.
Other activities I’ve found helpful with expressing my emotions are through art. I have a wide variety of artistic interests. Right now, my main form of artistic expression and release is drawing.
I can draw for hours. It takes me to a deep and beautiful place and helps me release my emotions onto the paper.
Besides drawing I began playing chess and used to play Words with Friends. Both games take me to another place and give me a break from tense feelings and thoughts.
I am working at incorporating walking and exercise into my life because intellectually I know this would be so, so good for me but this has been a huge struggle for me to be honest.
Some of the feelings and memories you have are amazing and cool too. The joy I experience now is no comparison to the days I drank alcohol.
The joy I feel is real and deep.
Just today I laughed so hard about waking up this morning and finding out I said to my husband, while half asleep, “Good morning, my little Keebler Elf.”
When my husband told my daughter and I, I said that to him this morning, we belly laughed so hard, with a rich hearty laugh and tears streaming down our faces. It was awesome!
The sad feelings are a bit tougher to deal with. For those, I cry, I pray, I write, I tell myself the feelings will pass, and life will get better again, it always does.
Remember, on this alcohol-free adventure, that there is no wrong way to feel or think. Every thought or feeling is valid and actually quite a blessing to us, it’s all part of the healing, all part of being wonderfully and beautifully human.
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