How Sobriety Affects Relationships
By Adrienne Kaliszak
I never realized how drastically relationships would change by deciding to get sober. Some relationships have improved and gotten stronger, while others I’ve needed to create some distance in the relationship.
The biggest change I’ve noticed regarding relationships has been with myself and my husband. Prior to quitting drinking our marriage was on a dark and dangerous path. We were living separate lives. I don’t think either of us wanted to be with the other. Heck, we didn’t want to be with ourselves, one of the reasons we drank ourselves into oblivion night after night was because we couldn’t stand the people we had become. The ironic thing is what we used to kill the pain is the exact same thing that created the pain and self-hatred – alcohol. My husband had been talking with other girls on-line. I was talking to three different men intimately, as well as planning to have an affair with one of those men. Thankfully, I woke up once I stopped alcohol, and didn’t follow through with the affair but I nearly destroyed our marriage, our family.
Since my husband and I quit drinking, our relationship has flourished. We have such a strong bond and connection now. We openly communicate with one another, genuinely care for each other, and love each other deeply and passionately. I look at him sometimes and my heart swells with love for him. This connection we’ve rekindled made its way to the bedroom as well. We went from making love every 3-4 months to now 1-2 times per week. I feel like we’re kids again. We just had a romantic weekend getaway a couple weeks ago which increased our connection, we wouldn’t have done this if we were still drinking. We didn’t put time or energy into our relationship when we drank, all we made time for was getting drunk.
Our relationship with our daughter has also improved. We both stopped drinking right before her last year of high school. I am so thankful for this. Her last year at home she got to experience her mom and dad as present, loving, giving, parents. We enjoyed the highlights of her senior year mentally present and engaged. When we watched her graduate high school, we experienced all the joy and pride and love at seeing our amazing daughter complete such a huge accomplishment. We are blessed to have a daughter who has forgiven us and loves us. She doesn’t hold our past over our heads. She is very open and honest with us and genuinely likes being around us now. Which was not the case when we drank alcohol.
The most difficult relationship change has been with my parents and siblings. Alcohol still plays a big role in their lives and it’s not something my husband or I want to be part of. Don’t get me wrong, I love my parents and siblings and I absolutely want happiness, joy, love, and good health for them, but we need to limit the amount of time we have with them and even turn down vacation and party invitations with them. I believe this has caused hurt feelings with family members and I don’t think they completely understand, but Greg, Lily, and I come first now in our lives, and we need to protect ourselves and family at all costs. So yes, that means saying “no” to certain events.
One of the greatest relationship changes that has occurred since deciding to get sober are the new friendships I’ve formed in the sober communities. I have met the most amazing people, from all over the world, as a direct result from stopping alcohol. I cherish these friendships and genuinely love and care about these people that have become some of my closest friends and confidantes. They know me and love me for who I am not for what I was, and this is such an incredible gift they’ve given me. Thank you xo.
Something interesting that happened when I was around 5 months sober, an old friend and colleague came back into my life. We were so close at one time in our lives, we lost touch over the years. We met for breakfast and had the greatest time reminiscing and laughing. I had told her I no longer drink during our time at breakfast. Upon leaving she said, “I’m glad you no longer drink, there’s so much fun to be had without sitting around getting wasted all the time.” You know what? She’s absolutely right. There’s a great big world waiting to be explored and enjoyed and so much fun to be had without alcohol. I intend to keep enjoying it and hope you do too.
'Your windshield is bigger than your rearview for a reason; the mirror is there to help you glance back at where you’ve been, but if you focus too much on it, you’re going to crash.
We are ALL affected by our past and we are ALL reminded of it now and again, but we cannot live in it unless we want to repeat it over and over again. We need to learn from it, take lessons from it, know what’s good (and not good) for us, and adjust accordingly. Mistakes are only mistakes until we learn from them and then they become lessons.'
Love this from the Your Tango blog, it sums up the need for a forward focused growth mindset in sobriety and life in general.
#keepmovingforward #positivequotes #positivity #yourtango #growthmindset #growthquotes #motivationalquotes #motivation #soberquotes #sobrietyquotes #lookforwardnotback #leavethepastbehind #movingforward #quotestagram #selfhelpquotes #positivemindset
Having an amazing time in #Japan and managed to head south out of Tokyo for a few days today to Kamakura by the ocean.
The drinking culture here is totally different to the UK, but all the bars are full, not many AF options either, but I wouldn’t want to visit such an amazing place and spoil it by boozing.
#tokyo #kamakura #tokyonight #tokyoneon #kamakuratemple #japaneseshrine #buddhisttemple #japantravel #tokyotrip #ramen #japaneseculture #japanlife
Wow! Rock Bottom & Rising has won the GOLD medal at the @nautilusbookawards for the best Addiction Recovery Memoir.
The book has 21 incredible stories by real people who have quit alcohol and turned their lives around, it is a truly inspirational read.
So this award is for everyone who contributed to the book, congratulations and thank you!
#bestbooks #nautilusbookaward #nautilusbookawards #nautilusbookawardwinner #sheldonpress #hatchettebookgroup #hodderandstoughton #addictionbooks #adictionmemoir #alcoholbooks #sobrietybooks #soberbooks
Woohoo! Just seen one of my books on the shelf @theworksstores #anxiety #anxietybook #theworks #bookshop #selfhelpbook #bookstore
Just finished recording a piece with @itvnews about the growing number of people quitting alcohol and the sobriety movement as a whole.
It airs next week, so look out for my shiny head on your TV screens.
#itv #sobriety #itvnews #sobermovement #sobercoach #tvinterview #newsstory #alcoholfree #soberlife #sobrietyrules
These two inspiring books from leading sobriety coach Simon Chapple are out today!
Read more...Repost @sheldon.press
Featuring contributions from some of the most well-known personalities in the Sober Space, Rock Bottom and Rising brings us real, raw, relatable stories from individuals who’ve found joy in an alcohol-free life.
The perfect companion to Rock Bottom – The Sober Life Journal captures the essence of journaling and provides space to grow and develop as you embark on a sober life. With hundreds of writing prompts, pages for reflection, focus, inspiration and guided exercises, this beautiful new journal supports your intention to create something lasting and meaningful to accompany you on your journey to an alcohol-free life.
Ideal for anyone contemplating a sober life come the new year, or from #dryjanuary.
Find out more in our bio.
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#RockBottomandRising #SoberLife #Sober #SobrietyCoach #Sobriety #StopDrinking #Freefromalcohol #AlcoholFree #SoberBook #SimonChapple #BeSober #Howtogosober #quittingalcohol #teetotaller #teetotal #alcoholism #aa #cutdown #alcoholic #thisnakedmind #addiction #problemdrinking #soberjourney
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