What Does It Feel Like Being One Year Sober?
By Adrienne Kaliszak
Whether you’re considering an alcohol free lifestyle, or on day 1 or day 101, you may wonder what to expect after reaching a full year without alcohol. You may wonder if it’s possible to make it a year sober, or even if it’s worth the time and effort you’ll put in to make your dream a reality. You may also wonder if any worthwhile changes occur in that year. I will share with you what I’ve experienced over the last (nearly) 14 months and how I feel now as opposed to when I was drinking.
My History with Alcohol
I started drinking at a very young age, 12 years old. I drank throughout my high school years, then into adulthood. The first time I really woke up and began thinking alcohol might be an issue for me was at around 43 years old (am 48 now). That’s not to say bad things hadn’t happened to me as a result of drinking until then, because plenty did, I just chose to ignore them and keep my head buried in the sand. At 43 years old though, I began questioning my relationship with alcohol. I would sit in my backyard chain smoking and praying for God to help me to quit smoking and drinking. At this time, for some reason I thought He would just magically take those vices away from me, I didn’t know I’d have to put forth some effort to break free.
The drinking got bad, it got to the point I felt I needed to take my own life or quit drinking. It was then I decided, with the help of my husband, to check myself into a hospital and get some help. I was actually a week sober prior to going into the hospital and upon release I had 2 weeks sober, this small distance from alcohol was one of the things I needed to give me a jump start into sobriety. I was also involved in an online program, that is no longer running, that provided me with support and guidance. This sobriety stint lasted 2 years and 4 days. My sobriety streak ended while on vacation and I wasn’t prepared for a situation and I chose to drink. I did learn some things from that slip, I learned vacations are a huge trigger for me and so is reaching an important milestone.
After that slip I would sneak alcohol so my husband wouldn’t know I was drinking, but I didn’t like living that way so I told my husband I had been drinking. With his support I went on to have 9 months sober again. I slipped again. This time my husband ended up joining me and we would go on to drink until the beginning of the Covid-19 pandemic in 2020.
At the beginning of the pandemic we panicked as we thought there would be a beer shortage and we did what any “rational” minded person would do and get cases upon cases of alcohol. He wasn’t allowed to work, I wasn’t working, we weren’t allowed to go out….. so we drank. We began drinking every day. It got out of control. We were miserable. We decided to give quitting a chance again. We were happy when we were sober, those were the best times in our lives.
I was already involved with some sobriety support groups, but something wasn’t clicking with them. While doing a Live Alcohol Experiment with Annie Grace, I met Simon Chapple, founder of Be Sober. I participated in some of his QA’s and his energy and enthusiasm to live a sober lifestyle was so motivating. I ended up joining his Be Sober program in May of 2020. I participated in his live QA’s and Zoom meetings and his Facebook group and began learning what I needed to do to get my sobriety going again.
1 week to 3 months
My first week of my sober life journey was tough. I took videos of myself in the days leading up to my first week sober. They were not pretty, they’re videos of a woman who is depressed and hopeless but who desperately wanted to be free. At about day 5, when I was struggling, I looked back at the videos and they helped push me to make it through that tough spot, that and the knowledge that 1 week of freedom was right around the bend.
The first weekend was tough but I really dug into Simon’s program and received hope from others in the Be Sober group, the ones who quit before me and were showing it could be done. Once I got through the first weekend the 2nd weekend AF was noticeably easier and the 3rd weekend even easier.
To me it seemed like the desire and strong cravings for alcohol eased up slowly yet steadily. Once I hit a month I didn’t want to turn back because I would have to go through the difficult early days all over again.
I continued with Simon’s program and stayed present in his group. I was about 2 or 3 months into my sober life, and our dog of 8 years passed away unexpectedly. This shook both myself and my husband up. I reached out to Simon and the Be Sober community and they helped get me through that.
Bam! I was in a car accident 2 weeks after Sophie passed. Wow, this was rough. I had to go through all these painful emotions and stress without alcohol, I didn’t know if I could do it. Again, I reached out to the Be Sober community and their kindness and support helped me more than they can imagine.
4-8 months
At around the 5th or 6th month, I believe, life started looking up again for me.
I was still devastated about Sophie and my car, but I was getting my hope back and began having more happy days than sad ones, even getting on that “pink cloud” everyone so fondly talks about. I was adding activities into my life to fill the time I usually spent on alcohol. I began trying new things and things I haven’t done since childhood. One of those things was playing the flute. I hadn’t picked up a flute since I was in 8th grade, and I decided to attempt to play it again. I’m still awful at it, but had fun practicing it for a month or two. Months 4-8 went fairly smoothly for me. I was getting used to not drinking and not drinking was becoming more natural for me. I liked who I was becoming and even loved myself some days. I began forgiving myself for my failures and shortcomings and slowly started to accept the fact I am a flawed human being doing the best I can and I’m pretty awesome just the way I am.
9 months to a Year
At around 8-9 months I began getting bored with my sobriety, the thrill and excitement began to wear off, I started contemplating going back to drinking. I immediately reached out to members in the Be Sober Community Facebook group. Others who went before me experienced similar feelings around this time, it’s something called “Fading Affect Bias, FAB”. What happens is some people forget the pain alcohol created in their lives and the reasons they quit. They remember the “good” times instead. I looked back on my videos and journals and reminded myself of the reasons I started this journey. I also began to pour myself into art and writing to occupy this time and take away the boredom. This helped tremendously.
Currently
At 14 months sober I am so thankful for Simon and his community. I am thankful for all the ups as well as the downs this time has shown me. I’ve learned so much about myself. I’ve learned I’m much stronger than I believed I was, I learned strangers can become the best of friends, I’ve learned there’s no shame in asking for and receiving help and support.
This path is not just about leaving alcohol behind, it’s about growing and developing, finding healthy ways to cope with strong feelings, and getting through even the toughest obstacles. It’s about learning to love yourself exactly where you are and extending your love and kindness to others. If you’re considering an alcohol free lifestyle, I say, absolutely Go For It! It will be the greatest adventure of your life.
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